Getting it in under the wire: Drizz made me do it

"Luck never gives; it only lends." -- wedish Proverb

It's that time again; I have a belly full of Guinness and a ton of material to get out because I've been too busy skiing in Ireland and riding tour buses with old people in Aspen. Or something like that.

But first, let me get this out of the way: Bonus Code Iggy! Now, on to Destroying Workplace Productivity.

Wait a minute: That Gary Carson is a cranky, funny fuck.

That's all. I don't have anything to post, but Gary pays me $20 to publish his name at least once a month.

Second, how about a funny picture that has nothing to do with anything I'm about to cut-and-paste:

Now, let?s hear from JoeSpeaker:

April Fool's Day "Be Your Favorite Blogger" Submission. Seven Hours Early Because I'm Going to Morongo Tonight. Bitches.

There are things about which I am serious and things about which I am blase and, without a doubt, soap scum--and the eradication thereof--falls in the former camp. Even the slightest hint of that filmy plague can send me into a furious pique of dervishry, and if you've ever had one of those, you know it can be both frightening and hallucination-inducing. It was in such a mind that I donned my rubber gloves (a
light blue to match my fabulous eyes) and my cleaning product of choice,which is so downright lemony that its mere presence makes me feel like I'm being propelled down a citrus waterslide.

So I'm scrubbing away with the elbow and grease both working in maximum and syncopated overdrive, the poor little 49-cent sponge disintegrating under the pressure--like the occasional Space Shuttle--when I let my concentration slip. It was only the briefest of moments, but the scars will last at least until I win the $17K again.

What happened was this: I had buffed the porcelain of our bathtub to a shocking whiteness. The sun that FINALLY peeked through the clouds was intense in its glare and with laser-like precision, bounced a ray right off that shimmering sea of cleanliness into my eyes. Momentarily blinded, I threw up my sponge hand in alarm, slamming it against the vanity mirror, which cracked, sending splinters of glass, both large and small, throughout the room. One of them, particularly ornery and opinionated, flew right through the loose shoulder of my fabulous sweater (much like Barbara Billingsley, I clean in only my finest garments, or nothing at all; unlike Barbara Billingsley, I'm not afraid to tell the PTA ladies to "suck it") and into the wall, actually pinning me there, as if nailed to a cashmere cross, or to a cross wearing cashmere or something, quit being such a pedantic twit.

Recovering from the shock, I called out for my husband, Hugh Beaumont...no, that's not his name...I forget his name...I haven't seen him since the Carter Administration, but he's a furry guy, huggable like a bear or a giant ape. I then screamed for my impossibly cute kids, but they were playing Pot Limit Omaha all the way down stairs and from the shouts and table-slamming, the game was pretty raucous. So I sat there for a while, contemplating my fate, wondering why my arms were paralyzed, as if someone had put Durex Maintain inside my gloves. I could not free myself.

Maybe I was just in shock. I don't know. But I fell asleep there. In the morning, I woke to find myself freed. And wrapped in my favorite blanket. That was nice, whoever did that. Fucker didn't have to leave me on the bathroom floor, though.

And...scene.

Wait, here's another non-sensical picture:

And then Drizz weighs in:

860th Greatest Poker Player

As the 860th greatest poker player (as of 6/3/05) I often have to fend off pesky things like women wanting me to autograph their newly minted 36 DDDs on the way to work. This greatly annoys me as there?s only so much Bobby Bracelet I can give back to the community while keeping it real.

And keeping it real I do.

Between my charitable work of exterminating the world of douchebaggery and making sure Playboy Bunnies are sexually satisfied daily there?s little time for Bobby Bracelet to think about Bobby Bracelet. When I stand in front of a mirror and admire the hunk and the junk looking back at me, I often theorize how difficult it must be for people to go through life and not be me. Alas, this my way of giving back to the people (even that fuck-tard at Arby?s who spent five minutes at the drive-thru window deciding between a curly fries and a potato cake only to ask for sliced apricots instead because his shoe size IQ wouldn?t allow his Michelob Ultra bottle cap sized brain process the fact that Arby?s doesn?t serve sliced apricots and he should stab himself in the face for displaying an act of stupidity unseen since Larry the janitor used his 1000 original shares of Microsoft as toilet paper back in 1979 and now is resigned to playing bingo every night at the VFW for beer money).

Where was I?

Oh yes, giving to the people. I am a giver, just ask those three ladies that confirmed my junk and lived to tell the tale. I hear they have orgasms from just hearing the word ?Bobby?. I, Bobby Bracelet of WSOP and iPod fame will teach YOU how to not suck at life. I introduce this awe-flipping-some tome of daily affirmations so you too can block out all the ass-tards in your life.

OneTooMany: The Guide to Becoming a Poker God (like me)

Chapters will include:

- ?Yes, my junk is huge, but I have standards? (how to get women begging for more)

- A guide on check-raising douchebag tourists off their straight flushes

- What to do when faced with a decision of going home with the blonde or a brunette

It pains me to give away my secrets, but Bobby Bracelet is giver not a receiver I just don?t swing like that.


Run don't walk to buy my book now before it?s too late. Peace.

And Jordan speaks up:

Country Livin'

I got home last night from the bowling alley (236, 270, 178-don?t ask) and I was itching for a game. I IM?ed TripJax and he was done for the night. The regular 45-person SNG was not filling up very fast, so, against my better judgment, I entered the $6 + .50 Turbo 45-person SNG. Apparently, my judgment sucks! I took 1st.

I played the entire game very loose, seeing a 15% of the flop with such questionable hands as JJ and TT!!! I know, I usually like to keep it tight as a rock, but last night I felt like gambowling...that's a bowling joke. I was the short stack once ITM, but I expertly played my AA, KK and AK to win it in the end.

I haven?t done much playing on the laptop since I got it, in fact, I?ve only played one SNG on it so far. The biggest problem is clearing the screen. My old laptop was easy. All I had to do was pick it up and shake it and the pictures would all clear. It was a real perty one too, all cherry red with two white

I'm looking forward to going to the summer home, which is surprisingly further in the sticks then my present location in Bumblefuck, Oklahoma. The plan is to cut down some trees, hunt some coons for dinner, (racoons, because the other ones are not in season), drink some Keystone Light and sing karaoke country songs. I'm not sure which one I'll start with, but it's between the song about kissing cousins or the song about losing my job, my wife, running over my dog, and getting a headache. I sure do love me some country music! YEE HAW!

Happy hump-day.

J

I'm posting this picture taken the last time I was in Barcelona because it's important people know that Catalonia is its own country:

Here goes Scurvy, opening up old wounds:

By ScurvyDog

Things are still going great. I'm really not sure what the fuss is with some people, because every time I sit down to play 3/6, it's like some creepy old dude keeps slipping $100 bills in my thong. I added up the totals for the month and I'm $19,202 ahead, if you count the $4,182 I got in bonuses.

Some people out there keep accusing me of lying but I just don't get it. It must be that cranky bitch Felicia who's pretending to be all of them. They keep saying that my math is wrong, that there's no possible way I can make that much money at 3/6 playing as few hours as I do. But what can I say, every month I seem to win more and more. I think they're all just inbred like Felicia.

I continue to play 3/6 and just play as rocklike as possible, though I have found of late I am actually having more success by calling more and raising less. I have been calling with AK and AQ in early position, and dropping them if I miss.

I think people just don't understand what it takes to be a pro. Just play like a rock and stick to 3/6 and you'll be living the high life like Pat and I. Every month since I turned pro has been better than the one before it!

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Country Livin'

I got home last night from the bowling alley (236, 270, 178-don?t ask) and I was itching for a game. I IM?ed TripJax and he was done for the night. The regular 45-person SNG was not filling up very fast, so, against my better judgment, I entered the $6 + .50 Turbo 45-person SNG. Apparently, my judgment sucks! I took 1st.



I played the entire game very loose, seeing a 15% of the flop with such questionable hands as JJ and TT!!! I know, I usually like to keep it tight as a rock, but last night I felt like gambowling...that's a bowling joke. I was the short stack once ITM, but I expertly played my AA, KK and AK to win it in the end.



I haven?t done much playing on the laptop since I got it, in fact, I?ve only played one SNG on it so far. The biggest problem is clearing the screen. My old laptop was easy. All I had to do was pick it up and shake it and the pictures would all clear. It was a real perty one too, all cherry red with two white knobs...



I'm looking forward to going to the summer home, which is surprisingly further in the sticks then my present location in Bumblefuck, Oklahoma. The plan is to cut down some trees, hunt some coons for dinner, (racoons, because the other ones are not in season), drink some Keystone Light and sing karaoke country songs. I'm not sure which one I'll start with, but it's between the song about kissing cousins or the song about losing my job, my wife, running over my dog, and getting a headache. I sure do love me some country music! YEE HAW!



Happy hump-day.



J

Read The Full Article:
http://highonpoker.blogspot.com/2006/04/country-livin.html

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Because Drizz Told Me To

Things are still going great. I'm really not sure what the fuss is with some people, because every time I sit down to play 3/6, it's like some creepy old dude keeps slipping $100 bills in my thong. I added up the totals for the month and I'm $19,202 ahead, if you count the $4,182 I got in bonuses.



Some people out there keep accusing me of lying but I just don't get it. It must be that cranky bitch Felicia who's pretending to be all of them. They keep saying that my math is wrong, that there's no possible way I can make that much money at 3/6 playing as few hours as I do. But what can I say, every month I seem to win more and more. I think they're all just inbred like Felicia.



I continue to play 3/6 and just play as rocklike as possible, though I have found of late I am actually having more success by calling more and raising less. I have been calling with AK and AQ in early position, and dropping them if I miss.



I think people just don't understand what it takes to be a pro. Just play like a rock and stick to 3/6 and you'll be living the high life like Pat and I. Every month since I turned pro has been better than the one before it!

Read The Full Article:
http://suckout.blogspot.com/2006/04/because-drizz-told-me-to.html

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TOE Madness

Unfortunately, I haven't been working on a post. I caught wind that the 40/80 TOE game had moved from Bellagio to Wynn, and that Wynn was only collecting time every hour ($7/hr vs. $7/half hour at Bellagio; plus getting paid $1.50/hr just to play).

Being that I can never pass up a "bargain," (no matter how much it COSTS me), I had to head on up.

I'd heard mixed reviews. Some claimed it was a live game, some claimed it was tough. I figured if it was too tough I'd just sit in the 10/20 Omaha 8.

I railbirded for about 15 minutes, and saw that the eight seat was holding his Omaha hand straight up to his face, and "arranging" his cards in sequential order. For me, that was enough to sit. They were only playing five handed, so I made six.

I stayed about even. I'd quickly lose $500 or so, then win a huge 1k pot. Up and down, up and down. There was another live player in the game, a talkative European who simply played every hand. He and I sparred back and forth, but I almost always had the better hand, so he was mostly trying to catch up and outdraw me. I made more money off of him than anyone else. He had about 3k when I sat down, was down to about $200 when he left. The game got tough, so I sat out. I put my name on the Omaha list, although I was 10th or so.

At that point I was up about $100. The game filled back up with some loose players, and I decided to sit in again, while waiting for my Omaha seat. Big mistake, of course, because suddenly the variance went through the roof, and I didn't have the energy or concentration to see it through.

I got outdrawn on two big Stud HL hands, and was down about $750 when I left.

Oddly enough, I lost tons of money in Stud HL, my "best game," and won almost all of my TDL and O8 hands, lol.

I was catching perfect cards in TDL. I three bet when we were shorthanded with 87654. I got action. I drew to a seven and caught the perfect deuce. I had many hands like that. I was running well.

In one O8 hand I was dealt A35K. Flop came 24T, turn queen, river jack. Huge pot, since my opponent also had A35x. When he called out my hand on the river, I was shocked. He was a good player, good read. Although the holding isn't that tough to figure out, in the heat of things, lots of players get distracted. I certainly do. I wasn't nearly as good at putting him on a hand, in other words!

It seems like taking shots every once in a while is a weakness of mine. I start running really well, making some scratch, feeling good, and I decide that I need to take advantage of a soft, middle limit game. I is dumb, lol.

After moving to the O8 game, I was down about $250 early, then made it all back and then some, but didn't take advantage of my winning hands, due to being exhausted and bored. I misread the board a couple of times, and saw lows when there were no lows, etc. I think I gave all of my mental energy to the 40/80 game, and gave all of my physical energy to the drive up to Vegas (it was a tough drive, with lots of stop & go traffic around the Dam).

Oh, well. I think I overestimated how strong I was. I thought I could hang, but I just don't have the fortitude to concentrate in a live cardroom for a long time anymore. Maybe it will come back, maybe it won't. I'm hoping once I'm one year out of chemo, I'll feel normal again.

Have a great weekend,

Felicia :)

Read The Full Article:
http://felicialee.blogspot.com/2006/04/toe-madness.html

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Premature Professional

Some of you who know me personally know that I?ve been working for the same company for the past sixteen years, ever since I graduated college. To say that what I?m about to post constitutes a drastic change of lifestyle for me is most certainly an understatement.



****



For the past several months, I?ve been the recipient of a bunch of poker schwag, much of it in the form of hats and shirts. Oddly enough, some of the collared shirts - both long and short-sleeve - are not half bad. As such, on several occasions, I?ve worn them to work as part of business casual attire. I didn?t really give a second thought to it, until this week.



Thursday morning, I had a meeting notice schedule pop into my inbox. The meeting requestor was our Human Resources representative. Since it was only last week that I had my annual performance appraisal, I wasn?t concerned because I was ranked rather well among my peers.



When the meeting time came, I went to the HR guy?s office and walked in. My manager and his manager were already waiting for me. Still, I had no cause for concern, but my curiosity was piqued because my boss? boss was based in New York.



****



To cut to the chase, I was given a mandatory ?leave of absence.? Apparently, some anonymous co-worker had suspected me of playing poker while at work. This was patently false, but nonetheless the accusations had been made. My choice to wear online poker site?s apparel was considered to be part of the evidence.



I was steadfast in my denial on both professional and technical grounds. Professionally, I would never do such a thing, it just didn?t make sense for me to risk my career for something I can easily do while at home. Technically speaking, our corporate network won?t even allow web-traffic to online poker sites, let alone game play data.



The HR guy gave me a copy of the employee handbook page delineating the penalties for gambling at work. The arguments I gave to them are what ultimately ?earned? me a leave of absence instead of being flat out fired. The IM team is investigating my claims and I hope to eventually be proven correct.



But still, I?ll be home without pay until early June.



****



As confident as I am about being cleared, I still decided that now would be as good a time as any to finally find out if I have what it takes to play poker professionally. In about a week, I?ll receive a check in the mail, the result of me making a $20,000 withdrawal from my 401k savings plan. I?m going to go the route others have gone before me and focus on playing limit poker, starting at the 20/40 level. My goal is to earn between 1.5 and 2.5 BB/hour during the next two months.



I understand the risks involved, but feel that there is no better time to try. If you?ve read the blog for a while, you know I?m primarily a NL cash game player with a few NL tourney successes thrown in for good measure. But based on some reputable sources, the online limit games are beatable, even at this admittedly elevated level.



If I succeed, I?m not sure what I?ll due come June when I can resume my old career. Two months is a long enough trial to make that determination and perhaps it may be the beginning of a major life change.



Here goes nothin?.

Read The Full Article:
http://badbloodonpoker.blogspot.com/2006_04_01_badbloodonpoker_archive.html#11439
0479769131819

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Goodlatte is Neither, Charity Poker Tournaments
Not Good For Texas

A Duece bus stopped in front of the Mirage Resort on the Las Vegas Strip. A lot of noise is coming out of Washington lately above the evils of gaming, especially the online poker rooms where millions of people...

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http://www.lasvegasvegas.com/pokerblog/archives/002602.php

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